Today I want to tell you about the very useful “Time Out”. In sports, you may see this sometimes. From the bench, when the coach feels it makes sense to interrupt the game and call his team together to talk, he indicates the time out with his hands. He does this to create a time to gather, to discuss something, to motivate. The interruption is to get the players out of the situation, how the game is going right now (mostly not). After that, they “start over”.In our personal everyday life, we could also use this much more often. Do you know. From a harmless conversation, a question, an argument develops in a short time and the mood is in the cellar.
In these situations, we ourselves and our partners experience thought storms and thus intense negative feelings. One word makes the other. We often do not understand ourselves how it could come to this. We experience our feelings that hurt and anger. However, these strong feelings only result from our thoughts, which take on a life of their own in these very situations, making their own movies. The result is two hurt people, each in their own corner with their heads spinning and the feeling of not being understood.
How about not taking our thoughts seriously even in those moments, noticing them but not taking them seriously. How about we let the moment pass without reacting immediately? If we take a walk, prepare a tea or even let more time pass, a night, several days, before we seek the conversation again. In a quiet moment. And then feel what is left to talk about, what has remained.
With chaos of thought and head-spinning, we are often hurtful and bring issues into the argument that we don’t even see in a quiet moment. They only came about because of the heated atmosphere. This, usually larger part, we can simply set aside. It’s overproduced mind garbage. You don’t have to deal with it.
The short phrase “stop button,” “time out,” or “hands off” may be one you want to remember for argument situations. That’s what it’s all about the moment the thought carousel starts spinning. Let your thoughts become quiet to see clearly again what it is all about. A beautiful image for this is also the snow globe. When you shake it, you no longer see what’s inside. You no longer have a clear view of their contents. Only when the flakes have settled, you can see again. In the storm of thought, we often have the impulse to shake even further and further, as if more clarity could come from that. In fact, the exact opposite is the case. The storm is getting worse.
The step back serves the clarity, the Zusich-Kommen. It does not mean that there is never anything more to talk about or do. Only at the moment, there is usually nothing to do except perceive that there is a storm raging inside you right now. You may also be confronted with your storm again the next time you try to talk, in which case get back out there. And then try again.
If you would like to understand and see more about this or any other issue in your life, I invite you to an initial consultation. From this 1st coaching (I also call it Quantum Leap Coaching) you will already be able to take a lot with you, regardless of whether we then continue to work together or not. To register, go here www.martha.coach/erstgespraech.
Or just write me at [email protected]. I look forward to seeing you!